question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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