can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
