Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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