Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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