can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
