your thong is hanging out like whoa
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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