Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
