Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
