You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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