Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
