Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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