so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
