Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
