ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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