What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
