i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
