some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize