I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize