Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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