if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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