Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls