I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's shark week go big or go home