Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...