You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.