Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
