i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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