By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
