Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
