clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
