i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
