I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize