Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we're making bets on your personal life
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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