Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
