I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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