do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
