Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
