I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
