The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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