My room smells like vodka and shame
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
