matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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