Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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