If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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