she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
