I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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