He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
