i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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