I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
