no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
