I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
