Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
