I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
