I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
