As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
