Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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