I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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