I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
