You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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