You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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