the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
