I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
