i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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