Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
