I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about youâ€
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