Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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