my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
