So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
