i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
