You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
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When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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