just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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