So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
