That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
did i just pee glitter
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
