You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
