I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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