don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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