I want to have your abortion
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
